It was in the middle of july
Ring - Vintage , Pants - Zara, Shirt - Comme Des Garcons, Shoes - Fratelli Rossetti
Editorial Photos: Felicia Hodoroabă-Simion
Location: "Atelier Anda Roman" design concept store 

It was in the middle of July 

10th grade?

That I decided I wanted a blog 

so

I’ve finally decided to start a blog. 

 

I will confess 

right away 

-cause I wanna be transparent 

That I don’t have an end goal in sight 

But …

you will see me here

well

Not really see me, more like witness my rambling and rummaging thoughts,

but I gotta start somewhere. 

 

 

I live in Romania 

with my cat and dog and turtle and mom and dad and sister and brother,

we’re quite the tribe.

 

During my first year of college 

I had a hard time 

I smiled sometimes. didn’t mean it really 

I was lonely 

i saw myself. in that big. campus. across the world

-Do I really belong here?

I’d ask 

 

Winter came and I went back home

So

I sat down with my mother,

by our fireplace 

Our Bella, our french bulldog, joined us 

With my hands cupped around my head,

I gently let my words pour

I fell to my knees

-I feel so far away from everyone, I feel so far away from myself

My inner child was bursting out, a sense of drizzling hopelessness trickled down my cheeks  

-What’s wrong…? mom asked

I laughed, a little veiled

cause yes, I didn’t really know what was wrong 

so 

I’d rather pretend

and laugh

and that sucks even more 

you feel so helpless so weak so damn right pitiful

cause how can you change 

how can you fix 

how can you grow 

if you don’t know what’s wrong? 

 

Spring came

and I realized I was lying

My heartache wasn’t born in a break-up or a rejection or me being far far away from home,

It lay in me 

In me lying to myself 

me turning my back to myself

me rejecting the very thing 

that made 

me…me

 

I understood what I was doing 

it really hit me

like that first love that pounces on you 

mercilessly, 

I mean, maybe not so dramatic 

But when one finds true love

you become hungry 

you take stealthy steps

 or maybe you run away 

if you’re one of those 

maybe its’ easier to duck away 

cause

love and inner power are not so different 

but I wanted to dance barefoot and milk away the excitement of what I liked

 

and…

this blog is what I liked

it’s what I like

it’s for me

for the very bottom of me 

so 

if you choose to read this 

welcome to the very bottom of me

to the very depths of my mind 

and please

 be gentle.

 

x x

  -Alexa