Honey, did you come?

Honey, did you come?

Dress: Isabel Marant, Necklace: Dolce&Gabanna, Boots: Moschino 

watch me 

The truth lies between the lies

"Honey, I just need some time..."

This year I’ve noticed a pattern

a phenomena if you will: 

 

unspoken consent while having sex is not actual consent

BUT

not taking responsibility for your own decisions and actions does not make it someone else’s fault 

 

Let’s go back for a second

cause there’s two sides to every coin 

 

one

you have the manipulators

Some hit you with 

“I’m going to put it in” 

and so they thrust their body inside of you 

“but baby I’m on my period”

they stop and look at you 

“I don’t care if it’s messy” 

they slide in your dm’s at 2 am with a “send me some nice pics;)” message but you’re not in an actual relationship to begin with so …why do they have the balls to ask you for nudes again? 

 

* * *

have you had sex without saying you wanted it? Without saying a resounding yes

Were you ever pressured by false hopes and sweet promises like

 “I’ll commit if you do this” 

“This is how I fall for someone, if I’m sexual with them first”

“I need to be intimate with someone first and then I’ll get attached” 

“This is how a relationship starts, if you go slow first”

 

mhm ok sure

in fact, I knew this guy that said he purposely lied to the girl he was sleeping with, that he’ll date her (if they keep hooking up) 

but he just needs “more time” to be “completely ready” 

like really 

really? 

gtfo 

 

there was another guy

this one said he lied that he needed sex to have feelings for a girl 

so he’d sleep with them

say that

then never talk to them again

well fuck Casanova 

ain’t you a stunner 

 

others create elaborate tactics of attempted manipulation through sensuality oh yes

like there was this girl that

made her partners moan and then stopped, said a personal story 

because you see, the brain automatically associates a person with how they make you feel 

so

if you arouse your partner sexually i.e. oral

 whilst mixing in some bs story about how your dog died

subconsciously

they’ll start associating you with a pleasure factor but also a humanizing factor 

the brain won’t be able to distinguish the difference

they’ll feel that you “opening up” was what induced such pleasure

in fact

doing that creates the illusion for your brain that you’ve known this person for a decade 

when really

they just know what buttons to push 

 

there was another 

this one lied she was depressed and that she needed someone at night not to be alone 

so

the other would come to comfort her 

when really, it was just a tactic to get closer 

because any form of increased tender physical touch tricks the brain into thinking it’s safe 

 

Some manipulate without even realizing it because they’re either scared that the other won’t text again or some shit like that 

or maybe they were intoxicated with a mixture of soft alcohol

some Bombay Sapphire gin tonic or foamy beer

 and the scent of their perfume, their touch and the melody of their voice 

Do you feel me now?

 

or

 scared because secretly, they fucking fell for this person and they thought that taking a stance and asking for an ultimatum like

“you’re either with me 100% or not at all” 

would scare them away 

so

they end up having sex or making out or wtv

because somewhere in their mind they see sex or anything sexual of the sorts as a new currency 

a nice exchange

like i kiss you or give you oral and you give me attention and the promise of emotional comfort  

but, they don’t actually say “yes, ah yes, my body is yours”

but, they don’t say “no, this is not really what I’m looking for” either 

so then they feel violated, either consciously or subconsciously  

they feel like they gave something away 

a part of themselves 

so they maybe take endless showers and scrub, scrub, scrub 

but they still feel fucking dirty and alone 

they might even feel like they were assaulted on some level 

cheated into doing something that they didn’t want too

they might even scream and shout “they didn’t ask if it was ok!” 

which yes, 

totally agree

unspoken consent isn’t actual consent

but

I’m talking about when someone actively flirts

when they actively go to someone’s house

when they actively engage in sexual activities

and then, they say it wasn’t “themselves” 

but…

who made you kiss them? take off your clothes perhaps? text them dirty things? 

no one…

no one did 

and there’s nothing wrong with doing any of those things because it’s your body and your decisions 

but then stand fucking proud by them and take responsibility for them

so say “yeah, I did text them and jump on them at 2 am, so fucking what?” 

don’t blame the other just because you can’t handle your own desires

handle them

love them

and support them

because as long as you do what YOU want to do, who the fuck cares? 

only do what makes you glow 

don’t do anything in the hopes of some sort of unspoken trade like a relationship or love or bs like that 

stand by what you want and who you are and don’t fucking explain yourself

the moment you take responsibility for your own actions

you'll see

that

choosing your actions differently will also change the consequences

become aware that you have the freedom to choose 

inso 

you have the power to change the result you've been given so far 

because if you make yourself a victim

you will never have the inner strength to change anything 

no matter what

remember

always put yourself in a position of power

because you are powerful 

whoever you are 

 

with love,

a